


Crying over you (why do I?)

by Cinnawonho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, I promise the ending is happy!, I wrote this at 1am so I’m sorry for any errors, It’s kind of heartbreaking at first, Kihyun is a comforting stranger, M/M, Misunderstandings, hoseok is sad, hyungwon is sad, lots of fluff in the end, talking things out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25742857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnawonho/pseuds/Cinnawonho
Summary: Hoseok leaves Hyungwon because he feels he isn’t enough. This breaks Hyungwon in a million ways, so did Hoseok.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Lee Jooheon/Lee Minhyuk, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for clicking on this fan fiction. Please be kind :( this is my first time writing a fanfic. This used to be on my old account but it got deleted. I hope you enjoy.

The night was cold, the streets crowded and noisy while his room it was colder, quiet and even worse lonely. He was curled up in a ball under blankets just like he has in the past month, lonely and choking up tears.

This is how it’s been for a whole month, he would just lay in bed doing nothing recalling past memories which hurt him more and more. His friends would check on him frequently worried that something was happening to him. He would just give them a small smile and say “I’ll be fine don’t worry.” of course they didn’t believe that, those words translated to “leave me alone”. 

“Hyungwon please you just can’t lay here okay? You have to get up laying here won’t magically bring him here so please.”

“Minhyuk just leave please I don’t wanna hear anything I wanna be alone let me lay here in my misery what is it to you anyway” the other grumbled under the covers and groaned silently. “Fine but I’ll be back again later so don’t be surprised and also don’t try to kick me out again okay?” And with that the apartment was silent again just small sniffs were heard.

Hyungwon couldn’t take anymore. How could he leave him like this? Without any word? “Damn you Hoseok damn you” “but I miss you and I love you” he whispered to his phone before opening it and going to the all familiar number.

To: Hoseok ♡

_\- it’s hyungwon again. I see your reading the messages. Why won’t you answer? Do you hate me that much? What did I ever do to you? Have you erased me? Have you found someone to replace me? Please don’t go please come back I miss you Hoseok and I Love you. Please_

He laid the phone down and cried silently. He still couldn’t grasp the situation. Was this all a bad dream? Hoseok didn’t really leave? It’s his imagination playing with him.

Hoseok was such a caring person, he took care of him and loved him, and comforted him. So why did he leave him without saying anything. He disappeared or if his life just leaving those lovely memories which now just hurt hyungwon.

_Maybe he just didn’t love him the way he thought the other did._

..

no

He shouldn’t have left him. He knew this and yet he took his things and left the younger. Hoseok felt sorry for leaving him, maybe he was okay without him? Hyungwon didn’t need someone like him. Hyungwon is better alone by himself he doesn’t need someone who’s so insecure and can’t speak about his feeling. Someone who just hurts people all the time.

But he was wrong, after reading all those messages the other had left his heart ached. Yet he didn’t build the courage to text him back, he couldn’t he felt ashamed and scared. He was scared to fall for him even more and then hurt him. Just like he hurt all the others before hyungwon and he didn’t wanna hurt anymore people.

_That’s exactly what you’re doing right now Hoseok._

_Your a fucking idiot._

There went that heart ache again. He stayed there sitting on the edge of the bed while holding his phone in one hand and his heart in the other while tears fell down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry hyungwon that I’m not good for you and that Ive hurt you this way” Hoseok whispered and quickly unlocked his phone and read the most recent text.

From: Hyungwon

_It’s been a month and still no sign of you and I’m scared that more time will pass and that won’t be here. That more time will pass and you will fall in love with someone else. Please come back to me._

Hoseok held his phone to his chest and swallowed the lump in his throat. Why couldn’t he build the courage and text him back? Why couldn’t he just tell the other what he felt? Why was he such a coward? 

_Just admit it you’re never gonna find love if you can’t love yourself. You idiot._

...

“Hyungwon are you finally up?” A voice is heard in the kitchen. “No go away now please” Hyungwon’s voice could be heard. “Listen you fucker I’ve been doing this for almost two months coming in checking up one making sure you’re not starving yourself you son of-“

“Minhyuk thank you for caring for me and your efforts but I never asked you too. If you’re gonna complain about dealing with me then don’t come and check up on me please.” Hyungwon said and minhyuk groaned. “Won at least try and get up and stand in front of the apartment to at least get some sunlight.” “Or how about this at least open the damn curtains.” Minhyuk nags again jumps into Hyungwon’s bed to give him a kiss on the forehead.

“You know me and Jooheonie worry a lot Hyungwon so please and try to at least help your self please?” Minhyuk says and blows a kiss from the door “well I’m going now bye bye~”.

Silence again.

If hyungwon was honest he would rather have his loud friend nagging at him going on and on, on how he should get up and do something than being alone and having to fell the heart break over and over again.

His minded started to wonder and the memories started to pop up again. 

_“Your so cute when you pout you know that hyungwonie?” Hoseok said while laughing and pinching the younger’s cheek. “I’m not cute, I’m handsome” Hyungwon argued only to make Hoseok laugh more. “Yeah sure my little kitten” Hoseok said and Hyungwon starts to attack him with tickles._

_”I’ll give something to laugh about” hyungwon yelled and laughed “okay Okay!! Stop I-it hurts” Hoseok yelled while laughing causing hyungwon to stop. Hoseok grabs the younger and pulls him closer._

_“I love to see you smile and seeing you happy” Hoseok whispered and kisses him._

__

_“I love you so much hyungwon.”_

Liar.

That’s what Hoseok was a liar. Saying words like that saying he likes to see the younger happy and that he loves him. Lies all lies. If he really did like to see him smile he wouldn’t make him cry like this. If he actually loved him he wouldn’t have left his broken.

But he couldn’t come to hate Hoseok, he loved Hoseok and missed him that it painfully hurt him.

Hurt him so much that the pain was gradually taking over him where he couldn’t even physical pain. Just that heart ache that had taken over him.

He grabs his phone and with shaking hands dials the other’s number. The phone starts to ring until it’s met with the voicemail operator.

”Hoseok please come back I miss you so much it’s painful. Please come back plea-“ he starts to choke on his tears and silently cries. “I-i love you Hoseok and I probably will forever live to love you” “many years could pass and I’d st-“ his voice is cut off by a loud beep indicating that his time is up. He lays his phone somewhere he can’t remember he falls asleep crying.

..

Hoseok day starts the same he gets up goes to work sits at his place with the same feeling of numbness. The only thing he could feel was that pain that lingers and lingers for hours and hours on end.

“Hoseok” he heard someone say and he quickly looks to the person who has been calling him. “I’ve been calling for what seems hours are you okay?.” “Ah Shownu I’m fine I guess I just spaced out for a while.” Hoseok says offering a fake smile. “You don’t seem okay actually you never do are you sure you’re okay?”.

“I said I’m fine okay?” Hoseok snaps and quickly gets up “im heading home now it’s late” he says and makes his way home. 

He goes straight to his bed who has become his number one source of survival. His phone buzzes and he checks it. His heart automatically aches and he starts to read.

From: Hyungwon

\- I called a couple days ago you didn’t answer did you hear my voicemail? You probably did you always read my messages yet still no reply. I’m waiting for you I’ll always wait for you. How long has it been? Too long I’ve lost count. My heart aches each day more it’s eating me. 

A single tear escapes his eye and he quickly wipes it away and swallows that growing lump in his throat. Yet another message makes his phone buzz.

From: Hyungwon 

-I hope one day you’ll text me back, I was remembering some memories and wow I wish we could go back in time. When you were here and I was happy. I’m hoping you’ll return to me my love.

More tears escape his eyes and hesitates for a second but places his phone on silent and placing it under his pillow before laying on his bed. 

He blinks a couple of times before groaning and getting up again. Maybe a walk outside would do. He grabbed his phone and quickly headed out.

He breathed in the cold air and sighed, it wasn’t helping it made him want to go crazy and run to the younger and maybe he should.

But how could he just return after leaving him like that? After hurting him so much? 

_Don’t hurt him more Hoseok keep walking and stop your thoughts._

The more he walked the more his thoughts seemed to race. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea maybe if he stayed in his bed he would’ve fallen asleep at some point. 

He groans and keeps walking and thinking and thinking lost in his thoughts soon lost all together. 

...

“Hey Hyung can you let me in please? You weren’t answering your phone and I got worried please open the door” The door opened and a sigh of relief was heard. “Thank god you’re okay hyung I was worried why didn’t you pick up your phone?”.

“I got a new phone Jooheon you didn’t have to come here I’m fine see” Hyungwon says and Jooheon frowns. “It would be great if you actually were great. Have you been eating?” The younger says and hyungwon shakes his head.

“Hyung please eat it’s for your own good, I’m not gonna beg and nag at you like Minhyuk hyung but please” Jooheon said and hyungwon sighed. “Jooheon I feel like shit okay? Does it look like I wanna eat? Or do anything? I just want him back! And he’s not gonna come back okay? If I wasn’t good enough for him to care about me then why should care about me?” Hyungwon cried.

“Hyung that’s not true okay? He didn’t leave you because he didn’t care. You know Hoseok hyung isn’t like that” Jooheon re assured and hugged the older.

“Then why did he leave me why? I’m broken I’m aching I miss him so much Jooheon I-“ he chokes on his tears and Jooheon pats his back. “Maybe it was something personal hyung you never know.” 

_Hyungwon wanted to believe that was true but he couldn’t._

_Hyungwon you’re useless and that’s why he left he isn’t coming back accept it already._

_He couldn’t accept that either._

...

“Hoseok” Shownu says and Hoseok looks down slowly and whispers “I’m okay” while tears threaten to spill. “No you’re not you always say you’re okay I can see you’re not what’s wrong?” Shownu says and Hoseok looks at him.

“I-I miss him” he says and starts to cry “ shownu I’m a fucking idiot okay? I left him I left him just because I’m so scared over something so stupid? I’m scared of hurting him but I’m doing that right now? I left him and caused so much pain and I-“ he cried and shownu pats his shoulder.

“he texts me everyday and I haven’t received one because well I changed my n-umber and now he can’t text me I’m a mess shownu” “I shouldn’t have left I should’ve talked to him told him my insecurities but I was scared that he was gonna leave him and fuck I was wrong” Hoseok rambled and shownu sighed.

“Hoseok you’re not an idiot you just misunderstood. Can’t you text him? Explain to him what happened I’m sure he won’t reject it. It seems he misses you too” Shownu says and leaves patting hoseok’s shoulder one more time.

_Maybe he’s right he could text him but what if hyungwon rejects it?_

_If he does he has the right too._

...

Later the night the both of them decide they should text each other for the best. Hoseok decided he should just let out what he needs to say, he miss hyungwon and is ready to go back to him.

Hyungwon was ready to give up on the idea of him ever coming back. He wanted to text one last time everything he ever wanted to say.

To: xxx-xxx-xxx

 _-I bet your surprised to find this message on your phone. But it’s me,Hoseok I changed my number after dropping my phone into some water. I’m sorry. It was never you who made go, i was scared of hurting you or not being good enough for you, but I was also scared to tell you this I didn’t want you to leave me. I thought it was best for me to leave and I’m so sorry hyungwon. I want to be with you I don’t think I can stay any longer again because of my stupid action. I love you so much and I want to go back to you. Let’s me be together again let’s start from zero, I wanna get to know you all over again, so please get to know me all over again._  
-From Hoseok

To: xx0-xxx-0xx

_\- hey Hoseok, It’s Hyungwon I changed my number something happened to my last phone. But don’t worry this is probably my last text. It hurts to think that I won’t text you anymore but I know you’re not coming back. Hoseok I miss you and I was serious when I said that millions of years could pass by and I’d never stop loving you. I love you but I’ve accepted the fact your no longer coming back. I hope one day you do come and that we can start all over again. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you next time we meet please let me be good enough for you. I love you and always will._

-from hyungwon

Each message reaching two complete strangers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon is still moping, Hoseok is starting to feel the heartbreak even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for everyone who read chapter one! I really appreciate it. Enjoy this chapter!

Hyungwon let out a small sigh hearing Minhyuk go on and on about Jooheon and how he finally asked him out. “And then he got all red and asked me on a da- hey Hyungwon are you even listening?” Minhyuk said eyeing hyungwon, “huh? Yeah I totally am you’re talking about jooheon again?”.

It wasn’t the first time Minhyuk had come over talking about their friend, he was just finally happy Minhyuk scored a date. He couldn’t help but give a small smile. “Oh! Look you smiled! And hey what do you mean again! This is the first I’ve ever even mentioned the little cutie.” Minhyuk basically yells. “Okay you keep telling yourself that Min.” The taller chuckles. “Well Wonnie, it was fun having you listen to my speech but it is time for my date wish me luck.” 

And just like that his friend was out there and he was left alone. Today was one of those days where he didn’t know what to do. Maybe he could watch some tv? Paint something or maybe draw? Read? Or maybe stare at his phone at a certain message that was waiting a response. Hyungwon sighed and looked at the last message that was sent.

To: xx0-xxx-0xx

_\- hey Hoseok, It’s Hyungwon I changed my number something happened to my last phone. But don’t worry this is probably my last text. It hurts to think that I won’t text you anymore but I know you’re not coming back. Hoseok I miss you and I was serious when I said that millions of years could pass by and I’d never stop loving you. I love you but I’ve accepted the fact your no longer coming back. I hope one day you do come and that we can start all over again. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you next time we meet please let me be good enough for you. I love you and always will._

He secretly wished that one day he’ll open his phone to see a text from Hoseok. He didn’t care what Hoseok said as long as he replied back, so that he knew that at least Hoseok actually read the message. But he knew that, that wouldn’t happen and that made him break a little inside.

....

Hoseok looked at his phone repeatedly to see if Hyungwon ever even opened the message but was heartbroken to see the bubble was green and not blue. Had Hyungwon blocked him? He shook his head and didn’t wanna believe that. Maybe hyungwon got an android that would explain the green bubble.

“Hey Hoseok I’ve been trying to get your attention for a whole five minutes now what are you thinking about?” His friend spoke and he had to quickly pull himself together. “Ahh Im sorry Shownu I was just you know spaced out” the statement making shownu sigh. “Hoseok I know that it’s not my place and I’ve never met Hyungwon but don’t you think you’ve been dragging this too long? Stop being a coward you’re obviously still moping over him please talk to him already.” Shownu said sounding sincere.

Hoseok smiled at the nice dad pep talk he had just gotten from Shownu. He wanted to listen to Shownu and take his advice run and find Hyungwon and explain to him but at this point it had been nearly two months. Wouldn’t Hyungwon hate him by now...he hasn’t even received any messages from him.

“You’re right Hyunwoo, I’ll see what I’ll do” Hoseok said softly making Shownu hum in response. “Hyunwoo! Wait up” a voice yelled, the voice belonging to Shownu’s boyfriend, Kihyun. “Well I’ll see you around Hoseok I’m gonna go hang out with Ki” Shownu let him know and he nodded.

Maybe he’ll message Hyungwon today.

...

Hyungwon started to daze off again wondering what he color he was going to use next for his painting. He was painting cherry blossoms so of course he needed another shade of pink. It was a bitter moment painting the beautiful flowers. There were his favorite...but they were also Hoseok’s favorites. He sighed and reached for his phone frowning at it seeing no text messages.

He sighed and threw his phone to his bed. He shouldn’t dwell to much on Hoseok anymore it was clear tang Hoseok didn’t care about him so why he should he be thinking of him? He groaned and looked over to his paint and realized he was missing a couple colors. He got up and grabbed his phone contemplating if he should call his loud friend to accompany him or not. 

He decided to call a different friend and more artistic friend he had maybe he could help pick some things out. “Hey Changkyun are you busy?” He spoke into the phone. “Hey Hyung! How rude of you to not ask how I am I’m great by the way! And no I’m not what’s up.” He heard the younger man exclaman making him chuckle. Of course Changkyun was a little sarcastic sometimes. “Is it okay if you accompany me to the art store I could use those fresh eyes of yours.”

Changkyun agreed, it was nice that he could hang out with the younger get rid of his thoughts that wouldn’t stop eating at him. Of course Changkyun would be angry to know that Hyungwon was still upset over Hoseok so he decided not to tell him, he just needed to hang out and get some air.

Changkyun was like a younger brother to Hyungwon. He had known him for a long time now so they were practically family, that’s why Changkyun was so over protective over Hyungwon. He cared about him a lot that was his Hyung after all. Hyungwon didn’t mind too much he did wish Changkyun would chill sometimes many times he came over while he was bummed out and basically threatened the world that he will get his hands on Hoseok and when he did it would get ugly. Then sometimes he would sit and cry with Hyungwon.

Hyungwon sighed when he hears his phone chime, he unlocks his phone to see Hoseok’s phone number light up the screen. It would be an understand if he said his heart fell to its ass and back up just to back start really fast. He fiddled his thumbs and opened the message.

From: xx0-xxx-0xx

Hi, I was going to text you after you sent that message but I didn’t want to embarrass you. But I couldn’t help but think how it could’ve been eating you alive not knowing. I’m sorry but uhm I guess o have the owners previous number. I’m Kihyun and I’m really sorry I hope you’re okay now. 

That’s when his heart sunk so low, probably as low as it could possibly go and felt tears coming. It wasn’t Hoseok the whole time? He wanted to throw his phone to the wall he didn’t know how to act. He wanted to cry, what If Hoseok had texted him but sent it to the wrong number.

More tears streamed down his face, he didn’t know what to do. What to say and if he should respond to this stranger. He was feeling so many emotions it didn’t seem real.

He just wanted to melt into the wall.

...

“Honestly? I think you should get a tattoo babe it would look so badass” Shownu’s boyfriend basically shouted and Shownu laughed it off. “I agree it would look nice” Hoseok spoke softly.

To be honest he hated hanging out with Shownu and Kihyun. Not only was he a third wheel and was basically ignored the whole time it made him miserable seeing a couple so happy. He was bitter seeing them happy knowing that he once had what they had.

But you fucked it up Hoseok just face it you’re good for nothing maybe just maybe you deserve to be lonely.

He wanted to scream, why didn’t he just respond to Hyungwon when he had the chance? When Hyungwon was actually texting him why did he have to wait until the end, oh that’s right because he’s a fuck up. Why couldn’t he ever do anything right? It was so frustrating. He wanted to leave and go home and cry it out he looked up to Shownu and Kihyun giving them a fake smile.

“Hey Im gonna go I don’t feel too good” Hoseok said holding his stomach pretending to have a stomach ache. He nearly broke down having to pretend to be okay. He does it all the time but this time he wanted his friend to yell and ask him to stay and ask him what was truly wrong but instead he said “yeah okay feel better Wonho”. It felt like someone threw bricks at his face.

He just walked out, and walked out of the cafè. He wanted to run home sprint fast and get there now so he can finally let all his emotions free but he was far and didn’t wanna cry out in the street he didn’t need pity from strangers. 

He pulled his phone out and bit his lip maybe if he just texts Hyugwon one more time he will get it? Maybe it will change his mind?! He wanted to scream he scrambles with his fingers until he reached Hyungwon and started typing at the speed of light. 

To: xx0-xxx-0xx

Hyungwon please reply. I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m a failure I can’t believe i left you and didn’t even respond to you until it was too late. Please I beg you I’m desperate reply. Please Wonnie.

Hoseok sounded so desperate and he was, he wanted to call the number and express his love and sorriness and yell how sorry he was and give hyungwon a explanation but he couldn’t, he was a coward.

He deserved Hyungwon to ignore him for the rest of his life and the next. He sighed out and let a tear run down his cheek.

“Hyungwon please”

...

“Hyung, please tell what’s wrong” Changkyun said while they stand in the middle of a the paint isle. Hyungwon sighed and smiled “I’m fine Kyunnie, I don’t know why you keep asking I’m just frustrated that I had to come down to the store that’s all.” He lied hoping Changkyun would believe his horrible lie and move on.

He wasn’t fine at all, he cried for a while at home letting his emotions all out and then remembered he was meeting Changkyun but it was very obvious he had been crying and Changkyun could tell.

“Okay whatever Hyung I’ll pretend that there’s nothing wrong, just know it’ll do you more name not me” Changkyun the wise said making Hyungwon scoff. “Okay yeah, I have the paint I needed so let’s go so I can finish my painting” “or finish crying” Changkyun said rolling his eyes.

After paying he parted ways with Changkyun. He was afraid Changkyun would want go home with him but babbled about some game him and jooheon were going to play. He wanted to be happy he left so he can home and cry again but at the same time he wished Changkyun would’ve come over to keep his mind occupied.

His phone chimed again, it was the Kihyun guy again. What did this guy even want texting him again? It’s his fault that he was all sad in the first place. Hyungwon wanted Hoseok to text him not some stranger. 

From:  
xx0-xxx-0xx 

No reply? I know I might not be the person you were trying to text but maybe I can help you?? Idk how but atleast help you emotionally?

Hyungwon eyed the mention and his heart begun racing. He quickly started to type.

To: xx0-xxx-0xx  
Hi? Kihyun you said? Uhm how many messages did you receive?

Hyungwon held his phone so close to his face ignoring the fact he was still walking home and needed to pay attention to where he was walking. He saw a small droplet on his phone. It was starting to rain, Hyungwon looked up to the sky and say a big grey cloud.

Great now it was gonna rain while he was walking, his day couldn’t get any better. He generally enjoyed the rain when he was indoors and like the sound of it, it made him feel relaxed and calm. Walking in it was a different story, he should’ve just taken his car instead of trying to “enjoy some air to calm down” if anything he hated every second he wasn’t inside on his bed. 

He looked around to see if there was any cafes near by he could enter and he suddenly froze and his heart sank low.

There stood Hoseok making eye contact with Hyungwon.

He immediately dropped the eye contact he was holding with the other man and walked as fast as his legs could take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thank you again for reading! I appreciate the time you take to read and give kudos! I promise the story does get a happy ending I just like hurting myself emotionally. Sorry if they’re any grammar and/or spelling errors I wrote this at 2 am again.


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting new friends should be fun. Is what Hyungwon thought but boy was he in for a storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for any grammar and spelling errors I write these at 3am every night.

Staring at the unfinished cherry blossom painting he had made, hyungwon scoffed angrily. They were a pretty light cotton candy pink color with different shades of pink and on the other half were a blue version of the flowers, that hadn’t been shaded yet just been painting on with one single color of light baby blue. Hyungwon didn’t even wanna look at it anymore, the more and more he stared at the painting the only thing he can only see Hoseok looking straight at him while it poured outside.

He tried to shake the image out of his head, but it just get burning in the back of his head. He groaned out and sat on his bed not breaking contact with the painting. He really wished that Hoseok came running towards him and hugged him. But it didn’t happen and he was stupid for even imagining that being a possibility. First of all Hoseok was the one who left he clearly didn’t care or love him and secondly, he never responded to any of the texts and the last one didn’t even get to him so why does he even still care? Now he had a third reason and yet he was still breaking his head over this.

He should just forget about him and move on now. 

But for some reason he just can’t it’s as if he’s purposely making himself feel like shit. He could easily move on now he had reasons, but why did he think he had a chance? Hoseok literally did nothing! But stand there so why, why did he still hang onto it. Hyungwon grew frustrated because he knew why, it was the damn look on Hoseoks face and the tears he saw. Maybe Hyungwon was the reason for those tears or maybe he was seeing things.

Hyungwon looked away from the painting wanting to think no more the incident, to forget about it and never remember about it. He sighed he wanted to stop thinking about Hoseok already it was tiring him out. He closed eyes and just breathed in the cold crisp air of his room.

A loud chime fills the silent room making hyungwon groan. 

From: xx0-xxx-0xx

Uhm two? The first message where you said you wouldn’t ever message again and the second one where you messaged again.

From: xx0-xxx-0xx

Seriously dude stop hurting yourself, try and let it go will you? In the end you’ll end up hurt again.

Hyungwon scoffed at the last message he didn’t need a speech about how dumb he was being he needed a slap in the face with reality that nothing was going to happen so he can move on with his life already. Also who was this stranger to sass him? Whatever hyungwon did was his business. 

To: xx0-xxx-0xx

Don’t you think you’re being a little rude?

He honestly didn’t care too much, he just wondered why a complete stranger was giving him any type of advice. He sighed and decided to put his phone down for a bit and try to At least finish the painting so he can hang it up or give it to Changkyun. He always loved it when his Hyung would gift him beautiful paintings to hang up in his room. 

Hyungwon wished he actually had motivation to keep going with this painting but at this point he was forcing himself to continue not baring the fact that looking at the damn painting was reminding him of the damn encounter over and over again.

Ugh here we go again with thinking of this.

Hyungwon stands up and grabs his phone and couple of things before heading out the door heading to Minhyuk’s house. He needed to get this off his chest and who better to rant with than Minhyuk? Hyungwon was thankful for having a bestfriend like Minhyuk, he deals with all of this bullshit and listens to him, why can’t Hyungwon just make it up to him?

Because you’re a piece of shit. That’s why Hoseok left.

Ouch. Suddenly a huge pain filled his chest, why was it that he was the one who had to do this to himself? Maybe he was right he didn’t deserve a friend like Minhyuk or Changkyun and he didn’t at all deserve Hoseok. He couldn’t even express to Minhyuk how thankful he was? So why was he still even friends with him. 

Maybe it was best if Hyungwon just kept a distance before everyone started to hate him.

...

Hoseok felt like a ton of bricks were being thrown at him. Why did he have to be so useless? It’s not like walking or running was hard, so why did he just stand there like an Idiot while just looking at Hyungwon?

He did run. He ran so fast that’s how much you disgust him he couldn’t even look at you.

He wanted to shut his thoughts up, and punch a wall out of anger. Why was he so useless? And incompetent? He owed Hyungwon an apology for being such an ass and being nothing but a failure. Hell he had even read all of hyungwon’s text and not once decided to apologize he just let him continue texting.

Why was it hard for him to just text him an explanation while the texts were still going on? Or apologize to him when he was in front of him? It’s not like Hyungwon was going to hate him because he already did. At least Hoseok thought so, he huffed and sat on his couch and grabbed his phone sighing.

There’s no point in texting at this point. Hyungwon probably had him blocked he hasn’t even seen the last text message he sent, he was still on green so that had to mean he was blocked. Hoseok needed some air and some time to get his head to think of something else. It was time to move on, and forget right? There was no point in dwelling.

Hyungwon already hated him. There’s nothing he can do now but either cry about it or move on. The thought of moving on and never hearing of Hyungwon sickened him, how could he try to easily move on when Hyungwon was clearly in pain. He remembers how he looked during his encounter,

Hair slightly wet from the rain, his lips were parted from shock and he was wearing his favorite navy blue sweater that fit him a little baggy, but it was okay because he liked big clothing. His eyes were glossy and puffy almost as if he had been crying. 

Hoseok didn’t realize he had tears rolling down his cheeks, seeing Hyungwon felt so unreal yet he can remember every detail of the buildings around him, the amount of rain falling, and which way he ran. But he just stood there crying and now he was crying again. He felt a huge heaviness in his chest as he curled up into a ball and just let the tears spill out.

He remembers when he first met Hyungwon and how beautiful he thought he was, how Hyungwon had a small blush on his cheeks because he also found Hoseok attractive or when he asked him on a date. 

He can also remember the last time he had ever seen his face, a day before he left him a note on his desk and left. He was excited to see him later that day and had a surprise for him but Hoseok has to ruin it.

You ruin everything.

It hurt even more now that Hyungwon will never look at him that way again. Instead he ran and didn’t even look back and somehow Hoseok selfishly decided to feel a stab in the chest, when he was the one who caused this in the first place. He just wants to see Hyungwon smile one more time and that smile to be about him.

...

After leaving Minhyuk’s house the next morning after having slept over, Hyungwon felt better. Him and Minhyuk talked everything over and after Minhyuk threatening time find Hoseok’s address and ripping him apart they laughed and talked about Minhyuk’s date.

The weight was lifted of his shoulders and for the next few days everything seemed fine. He felt okay, didn’t think Hoseok that much, he still couldn’t stare at the unfinished painting or even finish it but he felt fine, he hung out with Changkyun for a bit and later on just ran errands. But now he had nothing to keep him distracted, his friends were either busy dating or being with family. So he did the unthinkable.

He had asked the stranger Kihyun if he wanted to meet and get food or something. Which was weird at first seeing as Kihyun could be an old perverted man or serial killer. But honestly Hyungwon was lonely and kind of desperate to hang out with anyone to keep him distracted by his sad thoughts that consumed him in the silence.

He also wanted someone he didn’t know to give him an opinion about Hoseok. It seemed pathetic to ask a stranger you exchanged a couple texts to give you advice on something like that or to hang out with him because he was lonely. But he didn’t really care at this point he had gone through something way much more embarrassing

Like trying to surprise the person you thought was the love of your life only for them to leave you a pathetic note that they’re breaking up with you.

Hyungwon cringed a little, it still made him upset. Maybe taking everything off his chest to this Kihyun dude will help him ever more. Kihyun wasn’t ready for all the emotion and rage Hyungwon was going to unpack on their first meeting he just hopes that he can handle it. 

They had agreed to meet at the a cafe and grab some coffee and go to the park to be able to talk with not so many people to be eavesdropping nearby. He was kind of supieses Kihyun agreed but Kihyun said he was just curious and wanted to land a hand.

He didn’t know was more stupid him for asking a stranger to meet up or Kihyun for accepting to willingly. Either he couldn’t help but feel a little excited.

.....

Hoseok really had to stop getting these breakdowns because Shownu had walked in on every single one. It was embarrassing but not even surprising at this point. They were roommates so every once in a while Shownu could hear him having a breakdown or see him.

“Weren’t you suppose to go on a date with Kihyun why are you here?” Hoseok said while having his face on the pillow not wanting to reveal his face because it was very obvious he had been crying. “No, he decided to ditch me to hang out with some friend I’ve never even heard of.” Shownu said clearly annoyed. “Also Hoseok you’ve been like since Friday what is going on?”.

Shownu and Hoseok has become friends at gym and then decided to move in together seeing that they both needed places to stay but couldn’t pay enough by themselves. They’ve only been friends for a couple of months but Shownu really cared for Hoseok.

He could see that Hoseok was a very sensitive person and gets hurt very easily. He just wanted to be a good friend and look after him. 

“I saw Hyungwon the other day it’s not big deal” Hoseok says trying his best to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible but Shownu could tell that he really wanted to cry. “I thought I told you to move on? Or text him what happened?” He said and Hoseok sighed.

“It’s no big deal really I don’t wanna talk about it okay? You should go watch tv or go hang out with Kihyun and his friend” Hoseok said and Shownu sighed he obviously could tell how Hoseok clearly wasn’t okay and he wanted to help him or at least distract him. 

Shownu had never met Hyungwon although he did meet Hoseok when they were dating. Nothing ever seemed weird Hoseok would always talk about him or spend nights over at Hyungwon’s and then all of a sudden it stopped and Hoseok became different.

Shownu looked over a Hoseok and suddenly got a brilliant idea. “You know what I’ll ask Kihyun if we can join him and his friend hurry up and get ready you need to get your sorry ass out of the house!”

.....

Hyungwon would lie of the initial meeting wasn’t awkward. Kihyun was a lot shorter than what Hyungwon thought he would be and kind of out going than what he imagined. But after introducing each other and asking questions it’s as if they’ve been friends for ages.

Hyungwon couldn’t really wait for the park and just unpacked everything to Kihyun in the cafe which left Kihyun sort of Speechless but Kihyun still offered support none the less. “Well this is nice we just met but I feel like I’ve know you for ages, anyways let me give you some advice. It sounds like a lot of stuff went down and honestly he sounds like an asshole, who does that! Who just leave a note like that! And then who doesn’t respond to any text messages!” Kihyun aggressively says waving his fist in the air. Hyungwon can’t help but laugh a little.

“But also! You make you’re self look so dumb seriously you say won’t text him and then do it. But seriously although I don’t like this dude maybe it’s all a misunderstanding? Who knows maybe he was going through something and didn’t want to bother you?” Kihyun says sipping his coffee and Hyungwon hums. Maybe he was right or not. Hyungwon honestly didn’t want to continue the conversation.

Not because it was unpleasant or because Kihyun was being kind of brutal but because he felt as if he didn’t have the need to talk about it anymore, he felt a lot better and now just wanted to indulge in other conversations with his new found friend.

He changed the subject letting his friend know he was thankful but was ready for a new topic. They quickly got up and started heading to the park. This was nice. Hyungwon didn’t usually make friends that often because he was okay with his tiny friend group but this was nice. 

“Hey I know this is our first time meeting and this is weird but is it okay if my boyfriend and his friend join us? I think he’s upset or something” Kihyun says waving his phone in his hand around. This catches Hyungwon off guard but accepts anyway who is he to say no they can’t. 

He just hopes it won’t be too awkward or thwy his boyfriend thinks that Hyungwon was tiring to steal him. Hyungwon couldn’t help but laugh at that thought, him trying to steal this hamster?

Kihyun threw a questioning look his way which made Hyungwon quickly stop laughing and speak up “I just hope this encounter won’t be awkward like ours was an hour ago” Hyungwon laughs it off and Kihyun snickers beside him. He really hopes the encounter will be fine.

...

The thought of leaving his house to hang out with Kihyun and Shownu was a pain in the ass. He knew he would end up being a third wheel no matter what so now he had to prepare non awkward questions for Kihyun friend because he knew they’d be forgotten. 

It was also annoying that he couldn’t stay at home and cry like he was doing earlier. He really needed to fix his damn door so that it can lock. Maybe he can sneak off during the hang out and cry in the bathroom or something. 

“Hey babe over here” he hears Kihyun shout and he quickly groans. He was ready now to be forgotten by his friend and his boyfriend. 

“Hey there you are I couldn’t see you since you’re kind of short” Shownu teases earning him a slap on the arm making hoseok slightly laugh. “Hey wonho sorry...I didn’t see you there. Uhm my friend went to the bathroom but he’ll be back” Kihyun says and They all sit on a bench. 

Kihyun and Shownu quickly start a conversation leaving Hoseok forgotten. He really hates being a third wheel so much. Is this how Hyungwon and him made Changkyun feel? If so he feels terrible thinking about it now. Why is he even still thinking of Hyungwon he needed to distract himself away from him before he has a breakdown in front of his friends .

“Oh you’re back, Hyunwoo and Wonho this is my friend Hyungwon” Kihyun says and Hoseok feels his heart drop all the way down to his feet. He doesn’t want to look, he really doesn’t want to look. Please let it be a coincidence, it can’t be him right?

“Hi Hyungwon Im Hyunwoo, sorry for my rude friend here I think he’s in another world” he hears Shownu say but can’t even think before he looks their way and immediately recognizes that face. Everything goes blank for a second he can’t seem to react.

“Hoseok?” He hears Hyungwon speak before he knows it he’s running after Hyungwon leaving Shownu and Kihyun behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading through this chapter! Again I’m sorry for any grammar or spelling errors I’m not the greatest writer out there...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading :) I hope you enjoy and stay for the next update which should be soon!


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